A Pile of Chettgadeng

Once upon a time there was a shoe called Terrance. He lived in the kingdom of Chettagadeng, and was very happy. He had a nice little colourful cottage with a roof and everything. One day he was out in the forest collecting beer mats when he happened to meet a wizard. The wizard was tall and smelt of clover. “Hello,” said the wizard, “and what news of my Lord Buckingham?” Terrance replied that he didn’t know what the wizard was talking about and that he thought the wizard was a loony. At this, the wizard, whose name, just for the record, was Hengleflop, flew into a terrible rage, then he flew into a passing aeroplane, and nothing was heard of him again.

Terrance carried on, until he came to a stream. The stream was filled with jam, and fishing in the stream was a smell called Doris.

“Have you caught anything?” asked Terrance. “No,” replied Doris. “There aren’t many species of fish that are indiginous to jam.” “Good point,” observed Terrance, as his arms fell off. “So why are you fishing here in these current circumstances?” “Why are you questioning my motives arse-face?” demanded Doris. “You’re the one talking to a fishing smell, you must be some kind of nutter.”

Feeling degraded by this whole experience, Terrance went home for a lie down. However, his plans were to be thwarted, as when he arrived he found his house had been removed and replaced with a small pamphlet, detailing the rise and fall of Nazism in rural Somerset. Not to be put off by this, Terrance simply went and gunned down three passers-by at the local supermarket.

Life continued peacefully in Chettagadeng, until one day the ruling elite was assassinated by Telemacus from Ulysses 31, and his associates, Laura Ashley, DJ Henke Slim, Henry’s Cat, and Seth Green. For three years they ruled with an Iron fist, a velvet glove, a fur-lined boot, and a mitten. But this was their fatal mistake: they grew complacent, thinking that no-one dare challenge their power, and suddenly one morning they were destroyed by a nutter with knives. Chettagadeng was once more a safe and pleasant place to live. The End.